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Friday, October 2, 2009

a matter of life.

being myself for the past 22 years have been so wonderful regardless of those bitter memories ive gone through. as far as im concerned, things have passed by. let bygones be bygones. but, one thing for sure, there's always be "something" unresolved in me. of how i live my life. of how life treated me. i wont ever give it a damn if it wasn't a "thing", yes, it is for sure. but that one "thing" might change your life. to be specific, my life. for people who have known me better than anyone else did, they should have known how wonderful my life was. how i enjoyed laughing. how i love being surrounded by great people. Eventually, as life goes on, im still searching for the best in me for my future life. for a better future, i mean. having the great life of all in the world would be my top priority. i'm going for the best. i'm learning from the best.


in the process of learning and stay put of all those things, that "something" distracted me. out of the blue. i was diagnosed of having thalassemias beta. Ya Allah. when i was being told about this last night, i was speechless. none have i said but " ini dugaan. ini dugaan." trying my best to swallow the fact. how hectic my life are gonna be. Tuhan saja tahu. i was too paranoid to know that i was diagnosed with the disease, and for the reason, i've been searching all over the globe looking for the articles of thalassemias, i've been reading the articles for the whole day, getting to know what are this disease have to give as it will affect my own life. as frightening as this could be, i know i have to start seeing my own doctor, having a good talk with them in order to prevent myself from having the Beta-Thalassemia Major. but of all i have said above, the worst part for me to swallow is this;

" If you're thinking of having children, speak with a genetic counselor to determine your risk of passing on the disease. "

how could this be? i know i wont be able to have lotssa kids. ;(

always remember
" there's always be someone who loves you more than u do "

and for the reason, think before u did "that". someone might feel frustrating over what u did. she might be overly-disappointed with u. a mixture feeling, that was what i have encountered. i was speechless the moment u made a confession of what u did, boy.

Life is to be lived. if u have to support yourself, u had bloody well better to find someway that is going to be interesting other than THAT. please. please. please. stick to your word. u've promised me man.

apparently, i find my responsibility on your life, regardless of what u have to say. shut up. it's just, u might need someone to hold u, to lead u to your real own life. if that "someone" couldn't be me, u might find someone else u have faith on. trust me!

and again, please. please. please. do not destroy your worthy life. it worth a thing to me. seriously. you should know this, by the time you reach my age, u've made plenty of mistakes if u lived your life properly. better be safe than sorry. there's always a path to make a change in your life. it's just the matter of your choice. choose the right path to be on the right track of your life.

i'm here to lead, u're there to live.

follow me.


Nurfatehah said...

Amal..aku nangis baca entry kau yg ni. walaupun aku baru kenal kau balik because of facebook and friendster, tp sebagai kawan lama aku harap sangat kau tabah k? Allah tak akan uji umat-NYA kalau hamba-NYA tu tak mampu nak hadapi dugaan yg DIA turunkan. Ya Allah, aku faham perasaan kau..Aku sangat2bersimpati. Kau sabar ye amal?..

AmalinaOmar said...

teha, huge thanx for dropping by, spending ur precious time to read this. bukan minta simpati atau apa, cuma aku perlukan something to speak with. here goes my blog. untuk meluahkan perasaan. tapi, thank God, ada kawan mcm ko yg baca entri ni n dapat rasa apa yg aku rasa. thanx darling. i wud really appreciate dis =)

Nurfatehah said...

no big deal dear. well, i use my blog to express my feelings too. somehow, aku rasa dengan menulis aku rasa tenang sekejap. aku tulis pasal apa-apa je yang aku nak. no, you're not looking for sympathy or seek for atention dear. aku faham. if i were in your shoes, i would have done the same thing. aku tau kau kuat kan? =))

AmalinaOmar said...

literally, i'm not strong enough. but ape2 pon memang kene kuat dan tabah la..=)
tapi i will be stronger if kawan2 sume mcm ko. very supportive. *hugs*

Nurfatehah said...

ko jgn berubah jd org lain pulak ok. aku suka gilak tgk ko happy2 kat fb tu semua. insyallah u will be fine. let's pray. hee. *hugs*

i'm shy said...

dear, tabah ok. macam fatehah ckp. Allah takkan uji hambanya melainkan hambanya mampu menghadapinya. i yakin u mampu. please tabah. i bet u noe tis, laughing is the best medicine in the world. so keep ceria. we're here to support you! be strong!!;)) *hugs*

AmalinaOmar said...

shy, lotssa thanx juga dear. i'm still enjoying my great-laughing-moment.will always do, as how people knows AMALINA =) but i tell u, i can't stand if people around me keep telling me stories of their friend having the same disease. seriuss takot!

Anonymous said...

lin syg....sdey nye ak sbb br tau cter sdey ko nie.....no wonder ur soooo sad....how i wish i was there to cheer u up....lin,adik adie pn de thalassemias gak....tp ak xtau how serious la...but from wat i heard,if u xnk pass d disease to ur child,ur spouse must b free from thalassemias...ak dr dulu tingin nk tau ape tu thalassemias coz i dun noe...but i,m 100% sure u can handle d situation...b tough girl....i'll alwiz b there 4 u syg....

AmalinaOmar said...

aienn syg, sbnrnye i really dun have any idea wat thalassemia is tho. but thru my reading on the net, aku dptla fhm sikit2. i was too paranoid ain, sampai mesti nak tanya org "hey did u noe abt thalassemia?" here and there sume aku cari dan tanye. and 1 thing to make it worst, bila tgk kakak aku pnye condition sekarg. she's having a rili hard time carrying baby in pregnancy times. itu saja yang takot sbnrnya. no. no. i gotta be strong. thanx aienn for such a care and love from u *hugs*